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Jokes etc.

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Jokes etc.

Post  Ant on Tue Oct 28, 2008 8:48 am

This one apt i feel, as it's slightly engineeringy...

(don't worry, i'm not a misogynist, as there's a female reply below)

THE MALE COMPLAINT

*Dear Technical Support**,*

18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2, which I
had used for years without any trouble.

However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the
only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.
To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other
applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9.

Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better.

I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a
virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.

Eventually, I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same
time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they
caused severe damage to my hardware.

I eventually upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this product
soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up
all my available resources, it does come bundled with CookingPlus and
Cleanhouse2008.

Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very
unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in
Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months
later when I had forgotten about them.

Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can,
without warning, launch TurboStrop and Multi-Whinge.

These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what
the problem is.

Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring
ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be
reinstalled every other week.

Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Saab 93 Convertible hard drive, it
often crashes.

Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw, which
can't be turned off.

Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2007, but there could be
problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0
detects Mistress 2007, it tends to delete all of your Money before
uninstalling itself.

Help requested please!

THE FEMALE REPLY

Dear Tech Support:*

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
distinct slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the Flower
and Jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable
programs such as: Football 5.0, Rugby 4.3 and Cricket 3.0.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs; it simply crashes the system. I've tried
running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail.

What can I do?


Signed,

Desperate

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband
1.0 is an Operating System.


Try entering the command: C:/ITHOUGHTYOULOVEDME to download Tears 6.2, which
should automatically install Guilt 3.0. If that application works as
designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications
Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above
application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy
Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.


WARNING: Beer 6.1 is a very nasty program that will create Flatulism 6.2

CAUTION: Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law. This is not a
supported application and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory
and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying
additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally
recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck.
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Re: Jokes etc.

Post  Dan on Thu Oct 30, 2008 6:09 pm

Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff.



Ba-dum Tshh!

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Re: Jokes etc.

Post  Ant on Fri Oct 31, 2008 12:22 pm

2 sausages in a frying pan...

one sausage says to the other, "bleedin' eck, it's hot in here..."

the second sausage says "f***ing hell, a talking sausage!"

(that joke's a lot funnier if u can actually swear)
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Re: Jokes etc.

Post  Luke on Fri Oct 31, 2008 2:14 pm

i expect its a lot funnier when you haven't heard the same joke involving muffins, donuts, mice, or inanimate objects, but unfortunately, i have.
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Re: Jokes etc.

Post  Ant on Sat Nov 01, 2008 12:30 pm

sausages is the funniest possible permutation though :-)
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Re: Jokes etc.

Post  Luke on Sat Nov 01, 2008 12:53 pm

Q: What did the apple say to the orange?
















A: I despise you for being different from me.
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